We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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