Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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