This is not my ceiling
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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