Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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