She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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