if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am one with the molecules
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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