i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
