happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
