so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
