I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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