This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
