Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
