There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
