I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
