Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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