She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
