i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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