she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
