She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
