I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
