Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
