I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
