It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
