you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
