i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
