she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
