Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just tell him i said nine months
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
