one might say we're banned from that church
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
