Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
