dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
