i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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