I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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