heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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