i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
