Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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