Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
