I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
