I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
