Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sober January is a disaster.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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