Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
