he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
