It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
