Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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