Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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