Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
