i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
