We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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