You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
