you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
