First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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