Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
