I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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