I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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