I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
