wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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