woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
