yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
