I wanna bring you to show and tell
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
