On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
