woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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