Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize