you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
