He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
