in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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