Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Who died my cat blue again?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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