I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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