Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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