I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
